Jellies Jelies I Like Jellies!

Hmmmm what is this little forum thingy? I don't seem to recall......Oh yeah! This is that thingy where I type shit to entertain myself for 30 minutes or so...and entertain all of my adoring fans (ummm right..). I know I know my blog absence has been way too long of a break. I'm sorry. But the martians from the planet Noob probed me into believing that this site was evil. They then made me do the chicken dance for the past umm three weeks. And one cannot type while dong the chicken dance!http://www.subservientchicken.com/ see that was me for three weeks! The Courtney you all saw was a fake clone of the martians! After all would the real Courtney get pneumonia and then invite people to her house the very same day? Nay I say NAY!

In between my dance I still had to work at the loverly hospital. Retail can give one hundreds of stories. I can attest to this. However, working in a hospital can give you oodles of them. As we all well know, oodles are way more than hundreds. The neuro floor should be called psych 2 as far as I am concerned. Since all of the people I am about to speak of are now gone from my floor. And since I know only crazy people come to this web page anyway. I shall write them a few notes:

Dear shitty pants

If you know when you have to go....use a FUCKING bed pan. Do not tell me you have to go...then refuse the bed pan...and make me change your whole bed. Its not a nice thing to do to people. And all black people in the hospital are not trying to kill you. They are trying to HELP you. When "K" helped you up the other night he did not flash a gun. I know you saw it. But in reality it was just something us in the business call a "towel". But rest assured if you are ever back in the hospital, I will protect you from those evil towels just like I told you I would cuz I'm nice like that.

Dear insanely Fat Insane Lady,
I know Jesus told you that you should. I know Jesus told you you could do it by tickling people. But NO you cannot kill the fellow techs by trying to underarm tickle us. Additionally, you cannot and will not stab us with the invisible shank that you have from prison. I DID NOT STEAL YOUR BERETTA! I know you want out of the hospital to get the "Jellies" I know you love said "Jellies". But singing "Jellies Jellies I like Jellies" over and over and over and over and over and over...will not get you them any faster. So now that you are out, enjoy your Jellies, hope you find that beretta...its much more affective than underarm tickles.

Dear Kissy Face
I'm sorry that I cannot find your invisible watch. But the next time you try and have someone put it on you, please do not then grab their hand and kiss it. Also do not slober on it. At least you had teeth....that made it better...but still...no slobber please. Also, just because you kissed my hand you did not impregnate me (tho I think the martians may have). I know that you think that I am having your child and that you now have to hold my hand 24/7 but you don't. I fact FUCKING LET GO OF MY HAND! I have to wash it 20 times.

Sincerely,
Courtney

OK, think I've got all of that out of my system now. Better get going. Suddenly have a hankering for some Life Cereal. Dunno why tho, probably cuz the martians told me to.

Meanderings of the Insomniac

Would you look at this.. I actually have time to sit at a computer screen and write a blogger. My apologies to Chloe, Peach, and Rapty for my rather long absence. But common guys! I've been a busy little bee! After all, since I have typed last, I have quit one job (which u all knew was coming), started training for a new job, completed training, and am now working full time 12hr overnights! So cut me some slack dammit!

So! Where do I begin? There is not much left to say about the meanderings of being a grocery store clerk. I mean, you all know the bitch boss, the annoying ass customers etc. So, though I'm leaning towards telling you all about my last day, it was really no different than any other work day. Ok, well I will leave you with one tid bit. A woman came through my line and asked how our melons were this season. Trying not to laugh at the usage of "melons" I responded that I had not tried them and was not sure. This kindly woman then called me a "dumb bitch" and walked off. So you see, it was not special, it was the same as every other day in the world of retail. And thennnnnnnnn after six years of sacrifice and hardships guess what I get as a goodbye? NOTHING. My bosses just treated it as if it was another day. Bastards. Could have at least given me a card. They gave Roy a card and he was there 2 yrs less than me. and he was a Janitor! Bastards I say. Oh well without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing.

Now I have officially started working at the hospital! 12 hr nights make for a bit of the insomnia.When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake. On days off you need to function like a normal human, you know, awake to see daylight. On overnights, you are expected to be as awake as you are in the day, accept its like 4 in the fucking morning. It completely throws you off. Wait...back that up....I couldn't sleep....thats why I took an overnight job in the first place! However, there is a prime difference from working overnight and not being able to sleep.... Namely, the working part of it. Its sooo much easier to not sleep because you are say, typing a blog and sitting on your ass, than it is when you are on your feet cleaning up other peoples shit for a living.

So, what exactly is it that I do now? Why, I am the all singing, all dancing crap of the world. Primarily I clean up others shit. But no no thats not all. I also clean out oozing wounds, draw blood, check vital signs, and most importantly, listen to the droning on of people who are completely and totally out of their fucking minds. This is what one gets for choosing to work on a Neurology floor. Its one step up from the psych ward sure, but what was I thinking. There were other night jobs listed. I could have been on a easier floor. Take Miss. X for example (sorry no real names one never knows who is reading) Miss X is convinced that everyone in the hospital is trying to kill her. She is not allowed to be up on her own as she is very unsteady on her feet. However, as she thinks we are trying to kill her, she will jump from her bed and try to run, which leads to much yelling and confusion. She yells all the time. Sometimes what she says makes sense. Not sense as in "how are you today" but sense as in you can understand the actual words being uttered. One day she just knew she was a designer and if we were nice to her she was going to make us all handbags. Other times you cant understand her. She gets violent and screams louder than I have ever heard from anyone. The hysterical shouting is in tongues, like at a Pentecostal Church. Its sad, really, but when you put up with someone yelling nonsense and smearing poop on themselves for days in a row it gets to you.
Then there is the one with some sort of organic brain dementia that makes him think that he can touch Mr. Wee Wee, whenever he so pleases. Which is just soooo great to walk in on.

Really, some of it is fun. After all I am working towards a nursing degree, and I have to start someplace. If you wanna make an omelet, you gotta break some eggs. Though more or less, for a year I will be breaking my ass. But then I get to tell people what to do, and what shit to clean up. :) Also, The people are much nicer than that bitch at the retail joint. Additionally, I am getting more money so I can buy all that stuff that I don't need. Actually we are thinking of getting out of the crummy apartment and buying a house. But, we'll have to see how that goes.

Wow, its almost 4 in the morning now, if I were at work, this is the time I would be getting sleepy. But since Im at home I can actually do something about it! Thanks once again for putting up with my rants. Tonite it was a bit of complaining yes, but its now out of my system. This Blog also has a running theme...what is it? Stay tuned. I promise to write more often...no ...really...I do...