Stuff, about umm stuff

Telephone Wars

2006-12-22T14:36:00.000-08:00

I remember being a small child and being so excited to hear the phone ring. I was so excited when my mom allowed me to answer it. I quickly learned, of course, of the dreaded telemarketing calls.

Considering my 3 year stint with no home phone, and very few cell phone telemarketers, I had forgotten how fucking annoying telemarketers were. Now, without caller ID (which the bastards at AT&T would charge me for)I have to assume that a call incoming is one from friends, family, etc. This of course is only the case 25% of the time.

So, just about 10 minutes ago, my phone rang. Im in the process of getting ready to take a nice hot shower so I'm half out of my clothing. Then that fucking phone begins to ring. Pants half way back up I fumble downstairs (after all this could be like my mother calling about christmas). I search for a good two rings until I see the phone on the kitchen table. I breathlessly answer. The lady on the other end says "CONGRATULATIONS MRS. LOW ERR OOD! YOU HAVE WON...." I didn't get past that point. I interrupted. "I'm sorry this isn't Mrs. Low err ood, can you please hold?" I then come back up stairs and think I must post my bitching about the telemarketers prior to said shower. Wait...she's still on hold. DAMMIT HOW RUDE OF ME. But not quite rude enough. Next time I must have a better plan. Suggestions? Anyone?

Finally

2006-12-15T02:27:00.000-08:00

After a few (very very long) months...I finally have the internet back! Thus I have the loverly ability to blog once more. Isn't everyone just happy? good! I shall keep this blog brief as it is bordering on dawn and the zzz's are calling.

I am no longer a student. Apparently nursing is not my thing, I may or may not discuss this in length later. This of course means that a good percentage of my blogs with be bitching about the life of a retail drone (huzzah!).

My brain is mush at this hour after doing the whole drone thing for most of the night so I can't think of anything to entertain my rapt readers (hmmm what ever happened to him...) So for now I bid all adieu with the promise of more wakeful and entertaining blogs to come.

You all missed me...admit it.

Pointless

2006-08-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

School is beginning to drive me mad and I'm only a week and a half in. I have a test on Thursday you see and it is the most bull shitted thing I think I have ever seen. As a nusing student I expect to learn about the care of patients. But this stuff is major common sense and or totally pointless. For instance one of the main points I have to study is the "History of Nursing" so I have to know what you know, happened in the times before Christ, during the reformation, Etc. BULLSHIT. Somehow I don't think that all applies to real life situations. If I have a patient ask me to give him pain medication I'm not going to respond "You know, in the early 1900s they would have bled you for this". Please.
As for the common sense portion there are definitions such as. Justice: To treat a patient justly. WOW, THANKS, THAT HELPS ME SOOOOOO MUCH I NEVER KNEW THAT BEFORE!! My other favorite is the entire two pages that describes a DNR order (do not resuscitate). It explains that if a person comes into a hospital and is not able to speak (is unconscious) then you are to err on the side of life (ie if they cant talk, do not assume there is a DNR). REALLY? I thought you should err on the side of death, you know, just watch em die and do nothing.
Additionally there are step by step pages describing how to clean a person with a wash rag. Which is OK I suppose until you get to the portion about cleaning the pubic area. And I quote "while cleaning the penis, first pull back the foreskin (if applicable) and rinse gently. If penis becomes, or is, erect, finish procedure at a later time." EWWWWWWWWWW. Thanks, now I have to think about old nasty sick people getting a chubby. (tee hee chubby).
OK, I've vented I think. I just can't wait till I'm actually doing things. OOOoo one more thing to bitch about. Traffic, on the way to school today, with a misting rain, traffic sucked. But I made it just in time to catch the tram that goes toward campus. I would have been in class about 5 minutes late...no biggie. However, Ms. I don't give a shit about my tram driving job, decides, at my stop, to take a 15min smoke break! So I'm stuck, in the rain, with no umbrella, while she goes to the smoking area and has a break and a soda...on the clock. So I was a half hour late to class and missed the handing back of assignments and the first 1/4 of power points. Sigh, it was a shitty day. But, lucky me, I have to do it all again tomorrow. I bid you all adieu.

Countdown

2006-08-21T15:42:00.000-07:00

OMG School starts tomorrow. After a nice long 9 month hiatus from this lifestyle, I'm actually feeling more underprepared for school than I have in a long time. Wish I had a get rich quick scheme like those cool people on late night infomercials. Actually I was a bit worried today when I woke up, thinking about what I face the rest of the week. However, this all dissolved rather quickly when Tim and I got into a discussion about our birthdays.

Tim and I were talking about the possibility of getting a bird. I know of someone whos bird just laid eggs and mentioned this to Tim about a week ago. Today he asked "has she given the birds away yet?" I reply "No, they aren't even born yet" to which he says "Oh, the bird is still pregnant?" To this I laugh my ass off for a good 10 minutes and forget all about my worries for tomorrow. Ahh I feel better now.

Speaking about cute little creatures. Did anyone hear about the "save hugo" campaign? Apparently someone put a cute rabbit on ebay and threatened to kill it unless his reserve was met! I don't know how long ago this happened but OMG what a sadistic fuck. However, bet he made a lot of money. Wait I know what I'll do to get money and not go back to school! I think I shall put myself on ebay and offer up to cut off my pinky unless my reserve is met, and if it isn't I shall sue all ebay users for pain and suffering. There is my get rich quick plan! WHEN YOU DO IT EEEEEEEEEEEBAAAYYYYYYY. Te he.

IM BACK BITCHES

2006-08-16T22:28:00.000-07:00

Guess whose back, back again....ME! Ha ha bet you thought I was gonna say Shady's back. But I didn't HA I pwned you there!
Ok so it is now t minus 5 days before I'm back in school again and it ahs been a good 3 months since I have posted on here! Yikes. Ok so my summer was a bit hectic what will moving and such. I could go into half of my summer on here but those of you who know me best (that would be you bitches reading this) probably already know most of the shit that's gone down. So the minor update. I work at the lowest place on earth and I moved to a different place in the same town...woot and such.
For my bit of wisdom this blog (heh right...wisdom) I shall share my entertaining customer story of the day. I shall say one word and one word only. SHOWER. If you plan on going out in public, this is a good thing to do. However, Mr. Greasy head, if you do not chose to do such a thing, please keep a 20 ft distance from the customer service desk. In fact go over to the paint desk, they are all supposedly gods over there so they can make things smell like roses or vegetable oil, or so I've heard. What you do not want to do sir is come up and apply for credit. This causes much discomfort among those of us who are not gods. Also, when you get accepted for this credit card, pay your bill, and take your bag, DO NOT hang around and talk for another 10 minutes...this could be time spent in the SHOWER.

OK, I did it! A blog! I shall now accept your praise.

Men and dingbats

2006-05-04T22:23:00.000-07:00

Okay, I just read a quite insane blog produced by the one and only Chloe. No, I have never been asked such a question. I can however list the plethora (ok ok im not that hot, so handful) of oh so wonderful pickup lines that I have acquired while both married and un married. My dear husband knowing that I am typing this and wanting to gain my attention like some 4 year old has decided to continue saying off the wall things to keep me from finishing my typing. Hmmmm perhaps he has gained my attention. I think I will just start typing what he is saying to me:

white and glistening in utter glory like some oblique object that I should worship I then began to bow down and worship the glistening cock. Whilst I typed on the computer I contemplated which object to bludgeon my husband with it then occurred to me what a shame it was that we keep no shop cutlery in the computer desk. As I nonsensically pouded the 26 key rectangular piece of plastic I thought about the 10 monkeys they put in a room to see if they could produce a word by pounding on a keyboard. I like monkeys. I like them most of all because Of what we have in common. Monkeys and I. That's what you are typing isn't it. I KNOW IT. DID you hear the part about sharp cutlery? I knew you were typing that too. Thanks to my fantastic vision I can see that. Though I still lack creative genius. It was at this point I took out my nazi insignia and then branded it on my forehead. And say to my husband im a nazi im a nazi im a nazi nazi nazi. Of course my loving and adoring husband simply nodded his head and said "there there honey just don't beat me any more". Don't worry about it u nazi. after all this intensive typing I wondered if I should relax a little bit. Then all I could think about was his throbbing member. My black obis started to leak all over the computer chair. I looked over at my husband asleep and though about what naughty things I would do to him.

Wow I think he just shut up and gave up. Tee hee hee good thing I can type fast. Got most of it, I think. I hope you all enjoyed that. I personally would be vomiting up the majority of my stomach contents at the beginning and end part. Is it not amazing how the male mind always refers back to sex in a short period of time? Any way I suppose this has become a longer entry due to my dear husbands ranting of preschoolish nature. But here are some of my favorite pick up lines (that I have actually gotten)

Age 16-17:
A letter passed to me at work stating "do you like me circle yes or no" on 5 separate occasions. NO MATT THE ANSWER IS STILL NO.

....Tim now making growling and barking sounds to get attention..

17: "hey I'd really like to meet your parents" Mike if your reading this you are fucking creepy.

...whiny dog noises being emulated....

18: Guy who is with his GF openly asks me to go out with him IN FRONT OF HER. Pete, you are a douche.

...growling continues..... are you done honey?

"are you done honey. At this point with so much blood sweat and tears involved you could print it out, hang it on the wall, publish it, and we'd become millionaires.... "

Age 22
the 2 at the hospital.
"I like family guy a lot too! Maybe we could hang in my basement and watch it! Oh ...your married. Ill never do that. Gotta lay my seed after all! Huh huh huh." I don't even know this guys name

"Damn girl you walk with purpose...like you know what you are doing...I sure wish I could get someone that walks like that." don't know your name either but WTF. WALK?

Im sure there are more of these fun little pick up lines. None that involve what poor Chloe went through. And no matter what I do a fair share of people will talk to my chest. A lot more soon I assume as I am delving back into the world of retail and GOD FORBID, going back to Lowe's. Weeeeeeeee. The hubby has given up. HA HA I win and now, as you all can plainly see. Us females are soooo the superior sex. Muah ha ha ha.

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2006-04-11T13:40:00.000-07:00

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2006-04-10T18:32:00.000-07:00

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New Day New Life

2006-04-10T18:21:00.000-07:00

Geeze the difference one week makes. I feel like crap. Hmmmmmmmmmm I wonder why. Period perhaps? Why, YES! How did you know? Lets see, I quit my job, got rid of my cat....and oh yes...QUIT MY JOB! I know I just said that. I just couldn't fucking take it. No more poo cleaning for me. As for the cat. I am a failure. I had to give her up. Should have tried harder to change her and just gave up.....Boy this all is depressing. Thats just how I feel right now. Sigh...think I'll go drown my sorrows in some yummy Fresca.

Zzzzzzzzzzzz......

2006-04-03T11:37:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so its 1:30 in the afternoon. I worked from 7pm-730am overnight. Have I slept? NOooooooooooooooooooooo. Ok yeah I slept an hour. But all that could play in my head is...the house is a mess....the house is a mess....I need to go to the bank....I need to go to the bank. So guess what I did? I went and hauled my ass out of bed and spent the past 5 fucking hours cleaning shit.

BTW, My cat is a fucktard. I went to pet her as she laid on the bed. She went in to a hissing frenzy and tried to bite me. I know she hates Tim...hmmm wonder why that is......But WTF

Also. Woot for Fall Out Boy. Twas not for their CD I would have not been awake on the drive home today from work.

I still have laundry to do. But considering that I only got 4 hrs prior to work yesterday and I'm now hallucinating worse than some of my patients. I'll put that off for a bit. Wait...I could be asleep right now! What the fuck am I doing. This must be one of my hallucinations right? Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Jellies Jelies I Like Jellies!

2006-03-29T16:19:00.000-08:00

Hmmmm what is this little forum thingy? I don't seem to recall......Oh yeah! This is that thingy where I type shit to entertain myself for 30 minutes or so...and entertain all of my adoring fans (ummm right..). I know I know my blog absence has been way too long of a break. I'm sorry. But the martians from the planet Noob probed me into believing that this site was evil. They then made me do the chicken dance for the past umm three weeks. And one cannot type while dong the chicken dance!http://www.subservientchicken.com/ see that was me for three weeks! The Courtney you all saw was a fake clone of the martians! After all would the real Courtney get pneumonia and then invite people to her house the very same day? Nay I say NAY!

In between my dance I still had to work at the loverly hospital. Retail can give one hundreds of stories. I can attest to this. However, working in a hospital can give you oodles of them. As we all well know, oodles are way more than hundreds. The neuro floor should be called psych 2 as far as I am concerned. Since all of the people I am about to speak of are now gone from my floor. And since I know only crazy people come to this web page anyway. I shall write them a few notes:

Dear shitty pants

If you know when you have to go....use a FUCKING bed pan. Do not tell me you have to go...then refuse the bed pan...and make me change your whole bed. Its not a nice thing to do to people. And all black people in the hospital are not trying to kill you. They are trying to HELP you. When "K" helped you up the other night he did not flash a gun. I know you saw it. But in reality it was just something us in the business call a "towel". But rest assured if you are ever back in the hospital, I will protect you from those evil towels just like I told you I would cuz I'm nice like that.

Dear insanely Fat Insane Lady,
I know Jesus told you that you should. I know Jesus told you you could do it by tickling people. But NO you cannot kill the fellow techs by trying to underarm tickle us. Additionally, you cannot and will not stab us with the invisible shank that you have from prison. I DID NOT STEAL YOUR BERETTA! I know you want out of the hospital to get the "Jellies" I know you love said "Jellies". But singing "Jellies Jellies I like Jellies" over and over and over and over and over and over...will not get you them any faster. So now that you are out, enjoy your Jellies, hope you find that beretta...its much more affective than underarm tickles.

Dear Kissy Face
I'm sorry that I cannot find your invisible watch. But the next time you try and have someone put it on you, please do not then grab their hand and kiss it. Also do not slober on it. At least you had teeth....that made it better...but still...no slobber please. Also, just because you kissed my hand you did not impregnate me (tho I think the martians may have). I know that you think that I am having your child and that you now have to hold my hand 24/7 but you don't. I fact FUCKING LET GO OF MY HAND! I have to wash it 20 times.

Sincerely,
Courtney

OK, think I've got all of that out of my system now. Better get going. Suddenly have a hankering for some Life Cereal. Dunno why tho, probably cuz the martians told me to.

Meanderings of the Insomniac

2006-03-03T00:31:00.000-08:00

Would you look at this.. I actually have time to sit at a computer screen and write a blogger. My apologies to Chloe, Peach, and Rapty for my rather long absence. But common guys! I've been a busy little bee! After all, since I have typed last, I have quit one job (which u all knew was coming), started training for a new job, completed training, and am now working full time 12hr overnights! So cut me some slack dammit!

So! Where do I begin? There is not much left to say about the meanderings of being a grocery store clerk. I mean, you all know the bitch boss, the annoying ass customers etc. So, though I'm leaning towards telling you all about my last day, it was really no different than any other work day. Ok, well I will leave you with one tid bit. A woman came through my line and asked how our melons were this season. Trying not to laugh at the usage of "melons" I responded that I had not tried them and was not sure. This kindly woman then called me a "dumb bitch" and walked off. So you see, it was not special, it was the same as every other day in the world of retail. And thennnnnnnnn after six years of sacrifice and hardships guess what I get as a goodbye? NOTHING. My bosses just treated it as if it was another day. Bastards. Could have at least given me a card. They gave Roy a card and he was there 2 yrs less than me. and he was a Janitor! Bastards I say. Oh well without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing.

Now I have officially started working at the hospital! 12 hr nights make for a bit of the insomnia.When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake. On days off you need to function like a normal human, you know, awake to see daylight. On overnights, you are expected to be as awake as you are in the day, accept its like 4 in the fucking morning. It completely throws you off. Wait...back that up....I couldn't sleep....thats why I took an overnight job in the first place! However, there is a prime difference from working overnight and not being able to sleep.... Namely, the working part of it. Its sooo much easier to not sleep because you are say, typing a blog and sitting on your ass, than it is when you are on your feet cleaning up other peoples shit for a living.

So, what exactly is it that I do now? Why, I am the all singing, all dancing crap of the world. Primarily I clean up others shit. But no no thats not all. I also clean out oozing wounds, draw blood, check vital signs, and most importantly, listen to the droning on of people who are completely and totally out of their fucking minds. This is what one gets for choosing to work on a Neurology floor. Its one step up from the psych ward sure, but what was I thinking. There were other night jobs listed. I could have been on a easier floor. Take Miss. X for example (sorry no real names one never knows who is reading) Miss X is convinced that everyone in the hospital is trying to kill her. She is not allowed to be up on her own as she is very unsteady on her feet. However, as she thinks we are trying to kill her, she will jump from her bed and try to run, which leads to much yelling and confusion. She yells all the time. Sometimes what she says makes sense. Not sense as in "how are you today" but sense as in you can understand the actual words being uttered. One day she just knew she was a designer and if we were nice to her she was going to make us all handbags. Other times you cant understand her. She gets violent and screams louder than I have ever heard from anyone. The hysterical shouting is in tongues, like at a Pentecostal Church. Its sad, really, but when you put up with someone yelling nonsense and smearing poop on themselves for days in a row it gets to you.
Then there is the one with some sort of organic brain dementia that makes him think that he can touch Mr. Wee Wee, whenever he so pleases. Which is just soooo great to walk in on.

Really, some of it is fun. After all I am working towards a nursing degree, and I have to start someplace. If you wanna make an omelet, you gotta break some eggs. Though more or less, for a year I will be breaking my ass. But then I get to tell people what to do, and what shit to clean up. :) Also, The people are much nicer than that bitch at the retail joint. Additionally, I am getting more money so I can buy all that stuff that I don't need. Actually we are thinking of getting out of the crummy apartment and buying a house. But, we'll have to see how that goes.

Wow, its almost 4 in the morning now, if I were at work, this is the time I would be getting sleepy. But since Im at home I can actually do something about it! Thanks once again for putting up with my rants. Tonite it was a bit of complaining yes, but its now out of my system. This Blog also has a running theme...what is it? Stay tuned. I promise to write more often...no ...really...I do...

disturbing disturbed

2006-02-08T21:56:00.000-08:00

Good evening ladies and gents... this midnight hour brings I, Ti... i mean Rupert, back to the glowing square that has a plastic rodent connected to it. As promised I am here to deliver a music review with a movie review to boot. Princess peach, Chloe, Mr. Rapt, by now you must be on the edge of your seat... so that you can shut the computer off and do something else. To start off, Disturbed, for those of you who dont know, is a modern acid rock band who loves to scream. But not scream so much so that you can't still make out the bitter lyrics of anger, hate, and anguish. In short, Disturbed is well...(you knew it was coming)...disturbing. Disturbing isn't necessarily a bad thing however if you've had a day from hell and a boss from the somplace your day is. Their first CD: Down With the Sickness was well sung, had errie/atmospheric background music, and featured a remix of the 80's classic: Shout as well as various threats on his mother's life. (what more could you ask for) Their newest release: Ten Thousand Fists on the other hand was just lame. Upon tearing open the gift Christmas day and popping it into the CD player, I expected more dark creativity as opposed to offkey vocals and repetitive instumental. This didn't entirely surprise me however due to the fact that David Draiman blew out his vocal chords in a Canadian concert shortly after releasing his first CD. The psycho fucked himself up so bad he had to take speach therapy. Never been quite the same since. In truth, a cat in heat yowling to an accompaniment of nails on chalkboard would have done more for me. Even if you've never heard of disturbed or find their music to be too much, anyone who has loved a band's first album only to have their dreams crushed by the second or third album will be able to relate.(ahem* Chloe). Unfortunately, I will have to compose a more coherant blog later as my face is slumped on the screen and I am drooling on the keyboard.

-Timothy

P.S. What does P.S. mean exactly?

And introducing...

2006-01-31T23:13:00.000-08:00

And the moment you've all been waiting for... (or could give a fuck less about) Whoever could this mysterious Rupert be? Probably some English bloke. Probably me. (suspenseful music keys up) I ride in lifts (as opposed to elevators), I pronounce aluminum as Al You Min E Um, and i think everything in life should involve a spot of tea. Or maybe I'm a 6.6 ft. AMERICAN 23 year old married to a gorgeous girl by the name of Courtney. My name is 3 letters, starts with T, ends with M, and has an I thrown in there somewhere. I work for the company known as Sam's Club, the better half of Walmart, which in the eyes of grocery unions, such as my wife's former employer, is evil incarnate. This does not in fact make me a demon, ghoul, spector, phantom, tyrant, or villain; however, I suppose it does make Sam Walton the Anti-Christ. (PPsssst...he's not really dead, he's gonna rise again as predicted in the book of Revelation and take over the world with low prices. Absolutely everything will be priced at 6 dollars and 66 cents. ) My favorite movies, can I get a couple of hell yeahs, are: Fight Club, Blade, Exorcist, the Star Wars sexology "tee hee"(not a stars wars porno starring Darth Penetrator and Princess LayYa', sex is latin for 6), and of course The Lord Of The Rings trilogy. Yes, Peter Jackson you are a genius no matter what they say about you *ahem. I have to admit at first I was a bit skeptical of the whole blogger idea, but after reading several of my wife's chuckle-inducing entries, I have come to the conclusion that an outlet for miscellaneous ranting isnt really so bad. After all, if even one word of this conglomeration of 26 symbols induces a slight chuckle or even a knee slap then I've made the world a better place.
-Timothy
P.S. Tune in next week for: "Disturbed: Newest album quite disturbing"
P.S.S. Thank you Chloe for the idea of a CD review
P.S.S.S. I love you honey

Ah Thank You

2006-01-23T18:39:00.000-08:00

First off, a note to my buddy Rapty (that was Chloe's doofy ass name for you was it not?) I changed my settings and you no longer have to be a member to blog on me. Wait...shit...you already made one? Oh I guess Chloe's and my plan to discover you anonymity is working MUAH HA HA HA. No seriously, didn't know about that. Sorry.

Ah another time to sit and rant about the day to day. Hubby, who is still indeed unnamed, will be home from work in T minus 30 minutes. This, therefore, gives me time to type shit. Not that I couldn't type while he is here, but when he gets home I'd actually like to you know, talk to him and shit. Talk....yea....AHEM...
ANYWAY..... I GOT THE JOB! And Just as my friend at the EX employer said, the call came in the definition of a "few" days. The day I typed my last blog.
Woe to those readers who look forward to my retail plunders. However, I will bring you a whole new world of rants. After all, I will be working in a hospital! Seriously, you all know good shit goes on there. The day I was in my car wreck, my Hubby says when he got to the hospital at 9am there was a person in the lobby getting escorted out for drinking a tall can with his gang buddies while waiting for the gang member to be checked out for being stabbed. 9am! Tall cans! Common, It's funny. Though I am sure I will gain better stories. Like the nurse I knew who worked on the OB floor. When the baby came out the doc said "Now we have to deliver the Placenta" To which the new mother said "Wow, Placenta, that sounds pretty" she then PROCEEDED to name the new child that! Wow, I mean seriously. Can you imagine walking up at I dunno, a job interview and being like "Hi, my name is PLACENTA!" You may as well name the kid "Bloddy Tissue Discharge".

I have also made a new promise to myself. NO MORE PUTTING UP WITH MY BITCH BOSS. You know, the one that was put on this planet to make my life a living hell? The last time she yelled at me it was over not writing down a persons name and number before they left, MINUS their groceries and said they would be back with the credit card they forgot. They came back, but apparently now they want peoples names and numbers. And of course, with plastered on smile, I nod and say that I can handle that. Even though the way tells me to do this is not at ALL how a manager should talk to an employee. So, tonight I get in the same situation. However, I know I'm quitting now. Me thinks I SHALL NEVER put up with zee bitch again. SOOOOO, I get the persons name and number even though they have only left their money in the CAR(mind you they are giving me an evil glare for all of this, after all the money is in the damn car 2 min away!) I then take their suspended transaction up to the courtesy area and in 2min they come in and pick it up. NO BIGGIE! Right? NO! Bitch boss is on the move (which I swear looks like a rhino trying to walk with a stick up the ass) she comes to me and yells at me for not telling her about the transaction. Apparently it isn't enough to get the name and number I have to tell the Bitch, FOR NO REASON! I have told the people that will give the groceries to the customer, I have told the customer, I've gone through the awkwardness of getting a name and number once again for NO reason. But no, now I must bow to the bitch for not telling her. PS IT IS NOT COMPANY POLICY TO TELL A MANAGER THIS SHIT. In fact, on a side note, a cashier that the bitch actually likes did the same thing tonight, minus the name and number, and it didn't get a second glance. So she starts with the stern "You know we've talked about this before". Ok ok, here goes.....plaster on complacent smile....WAIT...I'm quitting, I could give a shit now...So...turn away and ignore....told to look at her.....WAIT...still don't give a shit....look over and roll eyes....oh no bad I get the "ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!" yell... Fuck her...I don't give a shit still remember?.....I turn away and say Whatever (insert bitch name here) and she actually walks away!!! LOOK AT ME I DID IT, I didn't give a fuck, I didn't have to act like I did! IT was my crowning moment in retail. I have now vowed to myself that I will make life hell unto my final "Have a nice day" is uttered, Ah thank you.
Well look at this, hubby is home early. We're going to go...talk.....

PS. Did anyone ever notice that you on this web pages spell checker the word BLOG is not recognized? Blogspot.com I shake my finger at you. *Shake Shake Shake*. There, now don't you feel bad.

Rant diddy Rant Rant

2006-01-19T06:06:00.000-08:00

Finally, a time to type again! Not that anything uber (wait, didn't I complain about that word previously? and now I use it again, ok I'm an uber idiot) fun or exciting has happened.

OK actually I had an interview for a "real job" Monday. Sooo I guess that's something. I CANNOT believe the questions they asked me! I mean for three hours I sit there going though "Name a time when you were working in a diverse group, what were the challenges, the rewards" And of course all I can think of is the time where I was in a school project with a stripper.....right.....
I'm a moron. Well at least a I BS'd well. I think. They said they would be calling in a few days. How long is that? A few? I hate uncertainties. A guy at work told me a "couple" is two, a "few" is three, and a "quadrapple +" is four or more. At least that made me smile. I could see my self in an interview and them telling me that they will call me in a "quadrapple +" amount of days. But wait, today is Thursday! Does that mean....its been, by his definition, a "few" days...today? The annoyance of it all!

Imagine a situation. You are drunk, though you are drunk you are just sitting there and a friend approaches and, since you are drunk, you say something that's been on your mind for a while. Any number of things "I really think so and so is wrong for you" "I think that dress is awful". Right, and you know that the next day you are utterly doomed because you let your inhibitions down and said something that normally no conscious person would say in their right mind to a friend! Right? OK, now imagine that exact same situation, MINUS alcohol! WHY IN GODS NAME TO PEOPLE SAY THINGS THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY? Hmmmmm? I mean I've seen plenty of people a bit on the buzzed side say dumb shit. But totally sober? There has to be a problem there. Why do I rant? Because there is a certain someone at my job who thinks that they can say whatsoever they want without offending. Either that or they are just dumb. So far this person has said to me "Oh...You're married now, probably means you'll start popping out kids and will never finish school". OK, that's an annoying observation. But here is the one that no person should ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER say. Specifically to a female! He says "Gee Court, looks like you've put on some weight lately, I can see you are rounding out in the middle." WHY? I mean even if I had gained 100lbs WHY? YOU NEVER say that to a woman!!!!!! And, for the record I recently lost 5 lbs! When I told him this he said "I'm not so sure". BASTARD! I had a pen in my pocket, my brain actually flashed me ripping it out and plunging it into his neck. Alas, I did not. Should have. :) Instead I had to sit there the rest of my shift with my plastered on *I love my crummy low paying retail job* smile, while really wanting to press my face in a pillow and cry for at least the next decade. The moral of the story. Those of you "tell it like it is" morons out there, SHUT THE FUCK UP! I mean it. Unless you are so incredibly drunk and or are a mental patient of some degree, close your mouth unless you REALLY have something important to say. This goes for you too Dr. Phil. I know you are all "tell it like it is" ..and some of your advice is well....actually good. However, I don't like you. Anyone who writes a diet book and is overweight themselves, should also shut the fuck up.

Well seems I've said my piece. In doing so have wasted some time procrastinating the overflowing laundry, which I must depart to do.

Here's To Long Movies

2006-01-11T18:48:00.000-08:00

Who would think, that in the course of 2 days one could waste 10 and a half hours of their life, on 3 movies alone. To who do I attribute fault for my incessant watching of movies? Peter Jackson.

Dear Mr. Jackson,
Thank you for putting out exorbitantly long movies. Thank you even more for marketing a movie based on a giant monkey. Had you not done this, my plight of 10 1/2 hours of movie watching would have never occurred. Due to your need for wonderful cinematorgraphy and length, my husband just had to see King Kong and who better to take than his dear wifey. Though I found myself sitting, ass numbing, thinking to myself "Just kill the damn monkey!!", my husband liked your movie. He particularly enjoyed (Spoiler Alert!) the scene when the T-rexes and Kong fight. Yes yes, great cinematography, However, how in the fuck does the chick (whos name I have already forgotten) get though all of that, being in Kong's hand, and still have perfect hair and makeup? Hmmmmm? Your movie inspired my husband to watch even more of your erroneously long flicks. Sadly, I am also a fan of these movies. The Lord of the Rings are some of the best movies I've seen. However, I have SEEN these movies, more than once. The problem with triologys is that once you watch one YOU JUST HAVE TO WATCH THE REST. So though my husband wanted to watch, I did not. Now we come to just a few days ago. I stumble in from work to find my husband asleep and the middle part of LOTR pt 1 and what do I do? Stupidly? I WATCH IT! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO now I am forever doomed to finish the series! I actually watched 2 and 3 back to back today. I could have gotten exercise. As I am indeed a fat ass. However I watched your movies and since I was not exercising, vowed to not cram my mouth full of food at least, to ease the pain. Now however, my husband just waked in the door and he brought me nachos. DAMMIT ALL TO HECK! Now I have yummy nachos sitting in front of me and I sat on my fat ass all day! All is thanks to your wonderful movies. And Guess what? My husband has only seen up to LOTR the two towers! So what does that mean I will spend my evening doing? You guessed it! Watching LOTR Return of the King AGAIN a mere 1 hr after I finished it. The moral of this story? I'm fat, I'm getting fatter, so please please shorten all future movies! Please? For me? For my growing ass? Thank you

Signed,
Your loyal fan,
Courtney

Well that was good to get out of my system. I suppose I shall not write more, after all, my nachos are getting cold. :)

A Blog!

2006-01-08T20:48:00.000-08:00

OMG I started a blog. What in God's name is wrong with me. I know for a fact that I will never have anything of interest to write, yet here I am. I could be doing about 6.5 other things right now. For instance, laundry, cleaning, filling out bills, grocery shopping, watching TV, or reading. Whats this .5 then u ask? I mean here I am writing that I have 6.5 things to do and I only listed 6! What a bitch am I. For your information, I don't know what the .5 is, you see I'm totally sure I have to do something else (no more interesting that the previous 6 I assure you) however, I don't know what it is, and can't remember. Me thinks I'm losing my mind.

Working blows, it really really does. I cannot believe what morons I run into in day to day life. From Mr. I've had a bad day and must take it out on you, to Mrs. I'm an uber bitch boss hell bent on on making your life as miserable as possible (did I just use the word uber?). I really do feel for some of these people. The problem is today I just didn't know how to react to one of the sad ones. Normally the sad ones are just old people that want to talk but today: There I was your friendly cashier girl doing my normal robotic "how are you today" and "have a good day!" (imagine plastered on smile here) when a woman comes through and I say, you guessed it, "How are you today" instead of the normal muttered "fine" or sometimes the half friendly "I'm good" or the uber friendly (theres that fucking word again! uber uber uber uber, ok out of my system now) , "Great! and you?" I actually had a woman start to cry. Well doesn't that throw one off! She said that she was just diagnosed with Alzheimer and that she didn't know what to do. She only had a few items, there were people behind her in line, but before she even attempted to pay I got a life history. She had a bad childhood, has no husband or family, and wants to know why God did this to her. So I stand there, a deer caught in headlights, wondering how I can be kind, not offensive, and move her along to get to the customers that are giving me evil stares because things aren't moving along. I end up muttering "I'm sorry to hear that" and she finally pays me. Now she's about to leave....I'm to say "Have a nice day!" still grinning in that pathetic "I'm soooo happy to be working in a grocery store mode" but what do you say after all of that? "Good luck with your degenerative incurable disease!" ummm no, I had no clue what to say, and the evil looks from customers were getting worse. I fell back into robot mode with "Have a nice day" and turned away to the next person in line. I now must question my roboticness. Perhaps I will become one of those ass holes that says nothing, rings up your items and talks to their friends. Or perhaps I'll just smile and say "hi" no "how are you" involved. Sigh, I can't do either if I do option 1 then Mrs. I'm an uber bitch boss hell bent on making your life as miserable as possible, WILL make it even more miserable. And option 2 is out of the question because just saying "hi" will put me back in robot mode and I'll have to continue with "how are you" because I am a fucking robot.

So, well, I have now not done anything on my list of 6.5 things to do in the past 30 minutes or so. I additionally did not figure out my robot problems. But at least the experience is cathartic, and I'm offically an uber (damn not out of system yet!) blogger.